If I was paranoid, I’d think my doctor was getting me back for not being around when he called yesterday. I called in the morning and spent the whole day waiting for him to call back. And I am paranoid, but I also know that it’s busy at that office. If I were important, though, I’d get a call back.

Anyway, I sat around waiting for my doctor to call. I called his office in the morning, and the person I talked to mumbled, “Should have an appointment this week… Dr. Segal… December 16… 3PM…” Then she said, “He’ll have to call you back.” My doctor is not Dr. Segal, by the way, and she could have just told me who the heck he is so I didn’t have to wait.

Also, my sister got me a laser level for Christmas. My sister also thinks I should avoid doing work on the house. So I don’t know what to do besides taking the level back to Sears. I played with it for a second, but if I’m not working on the house I can’t really use it. Hmmm. Now what do I need at Sears?

Well, I went to a doctor appointment (as an interpreter) and my ma seems OK. I also took her to get her picture taken and she may be in an ad for the Oregon Lottery. The rest of the day, I spent running errands with my friend Greg. Unfortunately, I saw a bunch of horses at one point, too, and one of them tried to take a bite out of Greg’s daughter Bridget. I don’t like horses at all. Bridget, the one who was bit, loves the things.

I also found out that my second blood test was probably also anomalous, so I get to see a specialist. I’ve had someone explain the lab results (a friend of my sister’s) and I’m guessing it means I’ve got some sort of infection somewhere.

But what do I know? They wouldn’t let me into medical school.

Oh, what a joy some days are.

• In trying to hit my alarm clock, I knocked something on my head.
• Getting out of bed, I stuck my foot in a cardboard box I had on the floor.
• I got outside and it was raining even though all the weather reports said it was supposed to be nice. (This is nothing an Oregonian should complain about.) However, I had to walk two block to my car since it was street cleaning day and we had to have our cars off certain streets.
• I got to go to the doctor, who told me there was all sorts of odd things with my blood count, so they had to poke another hole in my arm.
• When I got back to my car, I noticed that my bumper was screwed up. The spot I parked in last night (away from the house because of the street cleaning) was in a large pile of leaves. It was the best open spot I could find. A neighbor later told me she thought there was concrete under the leaves.

I removed the outer bottom piece of plastic, sawed it into pieces, and stuck in the garbage. It’s not like I can afford to get it fixed.

I can’t believe the yuppies gentrifying the neighborhood and leaving their crap out in the street for jobless schmucks like me to hit. It’s bad enough that the guy probably raked all his leaves off of his property and out in front of his house for the street cleaner. I, on the other hand, accept the leaves that fall on the property. If it’s out in the street, it’s a present for the city.

Hearing that I might be sick just makes me exhausted, so I took a long nap and got nothing done once again.

I think there are weeks that I go to Providence Hospital or the attached clinic twice a week. Last week I went to get my blood checked and went to interpret for my mom. So that made twice last week.

This week I have to go in for myself once and with my mom once. Today we got a call that an old family friend was in the hospital for cancer treatments. We went to visit him so I’ll be at the hospital three days in a row. Knock on wood, everyone will come out of this OK.

The family friend didn’t want anyone to know he was ill, and was kind of upset that people knew and were visiting him. He’s a small local legend, and has his name on a plaque for being a regular of a local bar for over 40 years.

This restaurant has an “Other” menu with more obscure Chinese dishes, and also has “American Fried Chicken” (sort of like Shake and Bake) and pork chops. The family friend let me know about those two menu items that I’ve never seen on the menu.

I should start with the dull stuff, complaining about A Simple Plan, the movie with Bill Paxton (the one who was the big brother in Weird Science and in Aliens — not Bill Pullman who was in Dangerous People and Independence Day), Billy Bob Thornton, and Bridget Fonda. It was slow, the people were dumb, and the losers were on a downward slope to becoming even bigger losers. In my dull life as a loser, I don’t want to see a dull movie about losers.

In any case, yesterday I stayed out way too late yammering in the ear of my friend Craig, who turned 40. He got real gifts from his real friends (who showed up to see him and hear the Ditty Twisters) but I gave him toys. And porn. A Nerf blow gun, a fake cell phone (since he hates cell phones), a toy pirate, and silly string. And porn. Poor guy had to listen to me babble since I don’t get out enough.

Today I was supposed to help my friend John move a band saw. He called me on Monday to tell me he needed help, and the loser forgot to call today. Somehow he moved it on his own.

So, my sister thinks her silly knitting blog isn’t getting many hits. I have to say, knitters are really into blogging and reading each other’s blogs. Today, for example, she got 134 hits. Instead of looking for jobs I installed web counters all over. In comparison, my web sites had somewhere from 2-5 hits today.

I did get a hair cut, which meant I did leave the house.

Man, I really didn’t do anything today, did I? I haven’t been doing much of anything.

Well, at least I’m not getting much slower. I did have a younger, female (and probably attractive) woman blew by me going up the hill, but that’s going to happen. I say probably attractive because she got by me pretty quickly and I didn’t get a good look. Nice dogs, though, and they were both on leashes.

I only missed two runs and this one really tired me out. Megan’s probably right. I’m getting old.

Last night I had a dream about my ex-girlfriend. For some reason, she left me with her cell phone (an old Motorola flip-phone in the dream) and I had to look for her. I found the guy who she said was her new boyfriend in a parking lot. He was a tool, denying that she meant anything to him. I remember the parking lot clearly, it was a concrete parking garage, like the ones that are on the first floors of office buildings I’ve seen in California.

And the worst part of this? The only reason I woke up was because of a torrent of rain pouring on the roof above my head. There was so much running water that I had to get up out of bed and go to the bathroom. It usually rains often in Portland, but not so hard that it makes me have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

My father is now drinking all the juice out of the pickle jars and telling my mother that it evaporated. When we question that, he tells us the rest of the family is teaming up on him and he’s being persecuted.