Hey, I found out how my neighbors who split up recently found other people to date within months when I spent most of my 30’s in my parent’s basement. Heck, they have kids and dogs and everything. One had a fraternity brother introduce him to a relative, the other had a friend who is a hairdresser introduce her to a client. Of course, my hairdresser friends are convinced I need to be going out with guys, so they aren’t doing me much good.

So, discussing this with my friends, I need to find a woman who wants:

• A guy who lives at home with his parents,
• has no job, and
• sweats a lot.

Oh, and not insane would be good.

I found out that on my thrice weekly 5-mile runs that I lose about 3 to 5 pounds by sweating. That’s three to five pints. A half-gallon of sweat? I must be leaving body parts on the road without realizing it.

I set myself up for most of my disappointments. First was finally realizing that I couldn’t really go through with nursing school. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I tried to get into medical school. I figure I really wasn’t doctor material. I sure didn’t like many of the other people who were on their way to disillusionment that way. They didn’t like people, they didn’t like science, but they were quite competitive. I was quite bitter about my failure (well, more bitter than I am now) but after getting a useless graduate degree in the field where all the jobs are being sent to India Computer Science, I had something else to be bitter about and I thought I could finally pursue a different career in medicine.

I know Vicki Fields from OHSU told me, “You ever thought about becoming an X-Ray Tech?” when I asked about nursing, but what’s more needed than nursing? There are even “Alternate Entry” programs where people with Bachelor’s Degrees in other majors can get a Master’s Degree in Nursing. There are specialties like Family Nurse Practitioner (my choice), or Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner (my ex-girlfriend’s choice).

But after taking a single class of cartoonish Anatomy and Physiology, I realized I couldn’t do it. Also, every single one of my friends told me my patients wouldn’t be their greatest worry; I’d probably find a pushy doctor who wasn’t as smart as I am and I’d tell him to shove his stethoscope up his ass. My neighbor, a nurse, told me the day I would find a doctor who wasn’t as smart as I am is the first day I work as a nurse. Heh.

Disappointment number two was finding out that a woman I was fantasizing about had a new boyfriend. I have been encouraged by others to just bite the bullet and ask her out. I’ve received this advice before, but always to my detriment. People like to see you try, even if you fail. Anyway, I’ll have to make a list of the replies I’ve received when I ask women out. I think, “Hah. With YOU?” is the worst one I can remember off the top of my head. Anyway, at least I kept my fantasy going for an extra season by not asking her out.

I also found out that a friend of mine, who is only 36, has breast cancer. She’s quite scrappy, and is quite upbeat about the whole thing. Her family is taking it harder than she is. Even if you think I’m an idiot, wish Megan well.