I had a chicken salad for lunch (at a strip club) and I had a salad at dinner, and that’s what I’m blaming for my digestive troubles tonight. Not the undercooked swordfish, not the beer. But what are you supposed to do when you’re not eating cheeseburgers? I had dinner with the family and Carolyn from Chicago and 3 out of 5 people got hamburgers. One with cheese, one without, and one with bacon, cheese, and a fried egg. I was even offered a quarter of one but I resisted! And look where it got me! A trip to the Pepto Bismol bottle!

I wonder if the lack of cheeseburgers is making me hallucinate.