I hang out with gun owners and really, there’s no good reason to buy a cheap gun. A gun propels a bullet by creating a controlled burn of smokeless power creating rapidly expanding gases. There’s a technical difference between the fast burn and an explosion and, honestly, I don’t know what that difference is. Probably something to do with control. In any case, you don’t want anything going wrong when there’s something capable of blowing up in in your face. If you need to use a gun, you don’t want it to screw up.

In any case, there’s a bunch of stuff I buy at the gun store, and it’s usually not guns. There’s this $1200 H&K pistol I’ve wanted, but I can’t justify buying it since I’ll never use it. But I have bought an expensive flashlight or two. They’re usually the size of a magic marker and brighter and more reliable than a 4-cell Maglite.

Today, I bought an expensive pocket knife for $180. My gun-owning friend Greg has several Benchmade knives and I thought I’d get one. I got an “automatic” which is illegal in many states, but not in Oregon. I don’t know why automatic knives are outlawed. You need to get awfully close to use a knife and what keeps someone from carrying around a kitchen knife? Anyway, in my case, I now have a fancy, expensive box opener that is illegal in most states. OK, someone send me a box to open.