September is the best month, statistically, in Oregon but this year it’s been a bit dreary. And I welcome the dreariness. You might wonder why I’m waiting for the end of summer when the next thing is nine months of rain, but I’m an Oregonian and the heat and I don’t get along. That’s only the partial truth and most of my complaints are about the m*th*rf*ck*ng birds going into the m*th*rf*ck*ng chimney at the school across the street. The birds poop all over my car and … wait, I no longer have a fancy car. Poop on my Prius isn’t so bad. The truth is, 4000 birds attract 20000 people (not on the same day) and that gets to be a huge pain in the ass.

It’s actually not that bad if I leave for the gym while they’re all here and get back after they leave, but who wants to plan everything around a bunch of people hanging around the neighborhood?

Today was National Cheeseburger Day! $1 burgers at Ringside! Two for one Tillamook Cheeseburgers at Burgerville! What did I have for lunch? A teriyaki chicken sandwich. And for dinner? Natto (the fermented beans that smell like a mop bucket and are slimy and gross but taste pretty good). I figured it was amateur hour and skipped it just like I skipped burger week. In fact, I was at Pause during burger week and I had a pork chop instead of their $5 burger special! That showed ‘em. (Whoever ‘em is.)