OK, so once upon a time, I was an honorary Jew at school. I only ate at the Kosher Kitchen once, and I even had to ask if I had to do any singing because I didn’t know any of the traditions. Heck, I’m barely a Japanese Buddhist if I’m anything at all. Anywway, I’m sure Mel Gibson hates me for other reasons, like I don’t believe in his religion and all.

So let me list the bad news and I’ll get on with the other stuff. Some of these items are from last week.

1. LANCE BASS IS GAY! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m so traumatized. OK, not traumatized. What’s the word? I suppose it’s disappointed that it wasn’t Tom Cruise or Ricky Martin.
2. Dave measured my biceps and my right bicep is shrinking! And that’s my mouse arm!
3. No Timmy at the gym. Timmy, if you’ve been paying attention, is the awful Stanford grad at the gym. I should admit he’s not really so awful, and if I hadn’t found out he went to Stanford I wouldn’t be so mean to him. I even had to quit being mean to him after his trainer, Dana, asked me to stop. Anyway, the bad part about no Timmy is it means no Dana, and she’s kinda hot.
4. My sister’s foodie friends said that Turducken isn’t as good as I’m imagining. It’s allegedly all salty and stuff, and I’m not a big fan of salty turkey (like they have at the megacorp cafeteria.)

I’m convinced that there’s other things on the list, but I can’t remember what they are.

My big excitement for the day was talking to my dream girl at the gym. I’d rather just fantasize about her, because she’s in her 30’s and I’m sure she’s got some idea of what sort of guy she wants in her life and that would means NO NERDS. Well, no nerds who are contemplating giving a half-decent job the middle finger and going back to school for a fifth degree. Maybe a JD or an MPH this next time. Oh, and the conversation was just, “How are you?” “Fine, how are you?” “Fine.”

Yeah, I know, just like Junior High school. But I didn’t go to Junior high school, just K-8 elementary school and then Benson Polytechnic High School with lots of gearheads and very few girls.