The high point of my pathetic life is my Thursdays where I have a bacon cheeseburger with guys from the gym. It’s not always a sausagefest with me and Matty G but it can be. It makes up for the other nights where I just have a salad for dinner. Well today on the way to the gym I just felt like I was coming down with a cold. When I got there people noticed that it sounded like my nose was stuffed up. I had to just turn around and come home, and I was worried when I didn’t have that moment of energy like when you call in sick to work and feel energetic for a few minutes. Anyway, I’m at home and should be asleep already. If I had the option of staying home from work tomorrow instead of being buried, or if I wasn’t at an exercise seminar for eight hours on Saturday, I’d probably tough it out tonight. Instead, I’m bacon-cheeseburgerless.

Ah well. My life didn’t just start sucking at this moment, it’s just a steady sort of suck. The closest thing to romance I get is reading restaurant menus on the internet or maybe the closest thing to excitement is seeing a large-bottomed woman in high heels try to jump up and see over a grey cubicle wall. I’m not sure, but it’s not good.

Every day this week I’ve been trying to get to sleep earlier because hay fever season gives me great joy and odd symptoms. I take antihistamines when my eyes itch or I start sneezing, but there are other things that happen. My teeth hurt, probably because of my sinuses. I went to the dentist several times and they never did find anything wrong. One guy in Japan filled a non-existent cavity, but that’s what I get for going to a Japanese dentist. The cranky alcoholic dentist in my old neighborhood just banged my teeth to prove they were fine and told me to get out. I also get really sleepy during the day. It’s pretty awful, and can happen on my commute home.

But really, what other joy can I express from my life? That Facebook locked up on me today and I was only seeing a few updates (like one an hour) and it finally asked me for my email address again? That work is becoming work again as everybody came out of the woodwork at once? That I’m still not seeing the value of match.com and eharmony still thinks that San Diego, Vancouver, B.C, and Honolulu, California (!) are within 50 miles of me? That I still think about law school because thinking of the years of commuting hours each day to the grey box in the suburbs is depressing the hell out of me?

Yeah, I got nothing today.

I was discussing my thoughts on people who work in sales. My opinions aren’t entirely positive, but I think they get paid a lot of money because they deserve to be paid a lot of money. If I had to deal with rejection on a daily basis, I’d curl up into the fetal position and not come out of my room until I got good and hungry. Or to go to the bathroom. No point in being uncomfortable.

As an aside, I think I just f*cked up my IRA application. First off, I don’t know my sister’s social security number off the top of my head so I couldn’t add her as my beneficiary so I said I’d DO THAT LATER and they still wanted to know the social security number of NOBODY (since I was doing that LATER) and then when I said I wanted to invest in the stock market they asked me which mutual fund I wanted to put my money into. M*th*rf*ck*ng banks anyway.

Back to my “issues”, I don’t take rejection well. This is a big reason I’m single right now. In fact, today I found out that the woman I dated four whole times last year is living with her new boyfriend and is doing spectacularly, and that I should have put the moves on her in the FOUR dates I had. Also, the one woman I asked out in two years at the gym is no longer even acknowledging my presence and the word “hello” appears to be foreign to her. So this tells me two things. One is that I am a frigid bitch. Two is that I should never ask out anyone who I possibly want to talk to in the future. Does that mean I should ask out women who I don’t want to talk to? Someone I know told me that “beggars can’t be choosers” and I should go out with the women I find unattractive. And just why would I want to do that?

Somehow this dating thing is completely foreign to me and perhaps I should just avoid it. I guess I threw away a bunch of money on match.com, but it wasn’t any more than the m*th*rf*ck*ng bank fees I paid for f*ck*ng up my credit card payment. I really should stop dealing with s*ns of b*tch*s, but that would require keeping my money in my mattress and I’m not really down with that, either. That’s life.

I’m usually not this tired at the gym on Mondays, but I was dragging around today. I guess I didn’t do too much, but there were times during my workout that I just wanted to sit down and rest. I wonder if it’s the weather, since it was 66°F yesterday and only 37°F and windy now. Or maybe it’s hay fever.

In any case, I suppose it doesn’t make any sense to sit here watching videos on YouTube and feeling sad. I’ve had “Give it Away” by Deepest Blue stuck in my head for about a week and it wasn’t the happiest video. This lead me to listen to the Todd Terry remix of “Missing” by Everything but the Girl which is even sadder and then “West End Girls”, “Domino Dancing”, and “Love Comes Quickly” by the Pet Shop Boys. I think most of my favorite dance tunes are in a minor key. Fortunately, George Michael is cheering me right up. No, I’m not stocking my closet with glitter for my coming out party. I think I’ll listen to Swing Out Sister next. “Breakout” always cheers me up.

I should start with my list again. I did start looking through my dad’s boxes again, and that just lead to despair and putting things back in the box. I did find a couple of things that I pulled out, and a few things that I may put on ebay. Trevor thinks I should start a store called, “Buy my dad’s old crap.” If no one buys it, it goes to Goodwill. Sounds like a plan, but it also means I have to do something. I should set up a photo area and start taking pictures of the crap.

Wow, this Match.com stuff confuses me. I was looking at someone who “winked” at me and was busy composing an email, when I got an automated email saying we weren’t a good match. I guess it all works on its own. Just as well and it frees me up to look at Seiko watch sites. There’s a nice new Seiko Spring Drive GMT watch that only costs $4100 list. That’s only sixty bank late fees.

Springtime is never as happy a time for me as it is for most others. I go outside in the sunlight and wonder when my hay fever is going to kick in. Sneezing, itchy eyes and general lethargy are nothing to look forward to. Often I just sit inside and wait for the misery to begin.

I’m not sure why I was moving money around my bank accounts last month, but I did. To cover my year-end donations to my lefty liberal causes, I had to pay my credit card from a source I don’t usually use. So this month when I thought I was paying my credit card normally, the web site I was using decided to pull from the wrong account. The transaction failed, and now I have $69 in fees. What a pain in the ass. I wouldn’t have had this problem if I just mailed them a frigging check like in the old days. I guess this is what I get for being clever with my banking.

Went to The Maiden today for burger club and they have a Kobe beef burger that was quite tasty. I certainly think it deserves to be in the top tier. Matty didn’t like the smoked tomato relish, but I thought it was pretty darn good.

I was asked why I didn’t like the women my age on Match.com and I guess I’m feeling lonely but not that lonely. I’ve already resigned myself to the getting-my-face-eaten-off-by-my-cats end to my life, and I’m not that worried about being alone until then. In fact, I found a nice video to describe my future. I’m wicked, and I’m lazy.

I am possibly the dullest guy on the intarweb. Not only is there nothing going on in my life but hay fever season is starting for me so I’m taking antihistamines that make me sleepy and duller. I mean, really, I almost fell asleep at my desk today, so I left the office to buy batteries and toilet paper at Costco. Could it be any less exciting?

I did a Turkish get up with a 32kg (70.5lb) kettlebell, something I attempted last week. But last week I almost dropped it on my head and killed myself and this week I didn’t have anything nearly as exciting happen. Heck, I even fell off of a ~3ft box while jumping onto it yesterday and didn’t do anything nearly as fun today.

OK, it’s time to watch the OK Go video on youtube. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it already. It’s not up (down) to my usual level of music video, but andiamo.

I can’t talk too much about work, but I did do an online strengths assessment today. I found out my strengths were Adaptability, Learner, Woo, Maximizer, and Analytical. Those aren’t even the same parts of speech. What kind of clown comes up with this stuff anyway? Plus the description for “Adaptability” makes it sound like my greatest strength is half-assing things. I will admit I’m pretty good at exactly that, but how is that a strength? It’s like they had to say SOMETHING nice about me and that’s all they could find.

Funny, I have little else to report. I fell off of a box today, skinning my shin and giving myself a nice bruise on my inner thigh, but how is that interesting? I put a deposit down on my closet bits, but that’s not that exciting either. I suppose there’s just going to be a languid laxity as I half-ass my life since that’s my greatest strength anyway.

The closet people (no not the people talking to me from the closet) came back with a quote and not only is the closet less fancy than I had thought, it’s also only $1500-ish. I was told I could get a wire rack at Home Depot for $90, but I’m also the guy who bought the $500 drapes. There’s no sense here. Besides, what else am I spending my money on? My closet adventures continue.

My eyes have been feeling itchy the past couple of days, and I’ve been feeling a little wheezy when I run around the block. I think hay fever season is rapidly approaching for me. Yet another thing I have to look forward to.

I think that’s it. Mondays I’m more cranky than usual, so I think I’m calling it. Still not “early” but at least it’s bedtime.

Somehow eharmony isn’t exactly clear on where “Portland, Oregon” is. They may actually be unclear on where I am. I’ve checked my settings and now that I think about it, maybe they’re just telling me that the closest woman who would go out with me is in another country. I’m getting a whole lot of matches, but they’re all in Vancouver, B.C. Yeah, the one in Canaduh.

I spent part of this afternoon watching the hockey game and we was robbed. Actually I don’t believe that, and I have to say my HDTV makes hockey watchable. I remember trying to watch it on a 17″ old-school television and I could never tell where the puck was. In the USA vs Canada game, it was quite clear. I’m not sure if I’ll watch all that much more hockey (or soccer or any other equivalent sport) but it’s nice to know that I can.

Other than that, I was upgrading my drapes today. I didn’t like the pocket drape thing, so I got some rings to hang the drapes on so I can open and close the drapes easier. I can’t believe I’m doing all this without a female significant other forcing me to do it. Ah, well. I was told today that I need TWO cats to eat my face off when I die alone because I have a large face. Man, TWO cats. Well, like they say in the movies, “Time to nut up, or shut up.”

If an alien were watching me to figure out what I really liked to do, what would he see? Probably that I like doing home improvement projects, poorly. Today was actually pretty fun because I was able to take Sean and his daughter Hannah out for Sean’s birthday lunch at Skyline Burgers. Compared to the burgers we’ve had at Burger Club, it’s not such a big deal, but it’s a good diner burger. And the milkshakes push it over the top as far as my ratings go.

But back to the aliens. If they did see me, they’d probably think what I like to do is home improvement, poorly. I spent the rest of my afternoon finally putting curtains in my office. Belgian linen drapery for my office. Really? Restoration Hardware gets my business mainly because they’re in my neighborhood. It doesn’t hurt that there are attractive women working there, but I really do like the hardware. But $500 for drapes in my office seems kind of excessive. Now that I have them in, they’re pretty nice, but it’s dark in my office now.

OK, so the only other thing I’m mentally wrestling with today is whether I should sign up for eHarmony or not. Last year I actually went on some dates, unlike most years of my life, but now I’m wondering if I should just sign up. My heterosexual life partner Il has a girlfriend now thanks to eHarmony and he’s no longer calling me up to accompany him to life events. He thinks I should take the plunge and become one of “them” as well. His girlfriend is an atheist, like me, so I’m guessing that’s not an issue for eHarmony like everyone thinks it is. Lord knows I have no game otherwise, and I need some help.

Oh, and I should mention, for the second year in a row, I’ve asked out someone out of my league and it’s gone nowhere. Last year I missed out going to Brazil Grill and this year I’m missing out on going to Paley’s Place because I’m just not able to ask out someone who is appropriate for me. It’s not like I follow any societal norms. I’m a nerd. I’m going to die alone with cats eating my face, if I can only get off my ass and buy a goddamn cat. I’m going to have to settle for bugs and microbacteria.